Independence Day minus the fireworks - Days 16 and 17

August 15 and 16

Today is Independence Day for India!  It is the 65^th Independence day since their liberty from British rule.  I saw some great skits about that – luckily it is clear who is playing Ghandi (the one wearing a manskirt and is walking in a hobbly manner), or else it would have been very confusing.  We celebrated by having a day off, by putting on a program, and by eating special food.  We got poori for breakfast!  It’s like, a sort of fried, thin but soft carbohydrate.  Painted a clear picture, I imagine.  And this sweet pink stuff and a green bean/carrot mixture as side dishes for lunch, and my favorite to go along with dinner – this chipish thing that’s made of lentils.  Each kid got a piece of cake and candy (they call any kind of candy chocolate here) and a biscuit (cookie) from Chandra – the Director’s wife.  Have I talked about her?  I love her so much.  She really runs a lot of the show, and she spends her days working hard with the special children, using her beautiful artistic ability to teach them.  She is so kind and genuinely good-hearted.  Anyway, the program was great.  The kids put a lot of time and effort into showing a lot of dances and skits and speeches and marches and the like.  They had me sit in a place of honor which is weird for me, but it was fun because there was a great view.  Magesh and Mutu (both 8ish) were to die for in their little dance involving pom-poms.  Some of the girls are really fabulous dancers, and of course they looked gorgeous to boot.  It was so fun to see them get all dressed up – girls, no matter the age, have an innate love of getting dressed up.    They were all beaming.  They loved getting me dressed up too.  I wore a sari for the first time today.  And the girls did my make-up and hair and put a bindi and a chain (necklace) on me.  I felt like an Indian princess.  But as it turns out, saris are heavy and awkward and freaking hot and impossible to dance in.  So, never again, needless to say.  The special children and adults did a dance that was SO cute!  Some of them really have a love and a talent even for dancing.  But they do not like choreography.  They like to move to the music, as freestyle as it gets.  I am totally behind that. 

There are some incredible special adults that are here.  They are so so sweet.  They all are so friendly and kind and warm and talk to me even though I can never respond to them because I know like ten tamil words.  One of them loves to show off for me.  He pops his collar when he walks by me, and starts dancing.  He is very MJ-esque in his moves.  So of course I am more than impressed.  There is another, Ratesh, who is the sweetest thing ever.  His face lights up when he sees me and he walks over to me and makes sure that everything is ok with me.  He will turn on the light or open the door if I look really sweaty or just take care of whatever I need.  I, in turn, light up whenever I see them.  One of them I always hope I will be able to see.  He has a giant smile and is always bobbling his head.   He is so handsome and very respectful of his teachers.  There is another who just says hi to me over and over again.  He will come see me on the playground when I am holding a baby and say hi over and over again to the baby too.  I will sit in the hall of the special school instead of the other school and write in my journal or on here when I am not teaching and the kids are in school.  One, because it is a lot quieter and I am less of a distraction, and two, because it is my time to see them.  Whenever I do come sit here, I have a secret hope that the special kids and adults will ditch whatever they are supposed to be doing and come find me.  Many have started hugging me goodnight – you know, those very sweet, very looooong hugs.  I get to sit with a lot of them while I write on here or in my journal.  They love seeing photos or watching me type.  There is something special about people who already have a spot in the Celestial Kingdom.  If you think about it, the list of people who also have a spot in the Celestial Kingdom on the earth at the moment consists of apostles and these people.  Maybe that’s why we call them special.

It took me a week to fully get over the homesickness (who knew that would be such a problem).  And it only took one more week for everything to feel normal.  But all of a sudden, everything feels extremely normal.  Like I love the food, and I am no longer concerned about breaking social norms and I feel like the kids are mine to the point of plotting ways to get them safely to America via suitcase.  I knew I would fall in love with them, but I had no idea what it would really feel like.  I know I talk about Akash a lot, but I can’t help it – he is my best little buddy.  I love the relationship I have with him.  Yes, I am saying that about a two-year-old whom I have absolutely no common language with.  I would be so happy to have a child like him; He is easy-going, outgoing, loving, independent, and spunky.  Today he came over to my place of honor and sat on my lap for part of the program.  He played with my bandana I had been using to wipe my sweat while saying a lot of things I couldn’t understand.  Apparently he was discussing to himself his plans of making the bandana into a kite that he would fly really high in the sky and maybe let go of it if it wanted to go to space.  Then tonight when I was holding him in the dorm, he immediately gripped me around my neck and only let go to kiss both my cheeks, my forehead, and my nose.  Mom, you know how you said you thought he was really cute in the picture?  Do you also think he would be really cute on a bed in our house? J  Just kidding, he enjoys his life here.  But shoot dang, I love him.  I realized that saying bye to him was going to be as hard as it is to say goodbye to my nephew, except that I have never had to say goodbye to my nephew for an indefinite period of time.  It’s easier with the older kids I am in love with because I can email them and save up for plane tickets for them so they can fulfill their dreams of coming to BYU.  But then the little ones you can’t stay in touch with, especially since the relationship you have with them consists entirely of holding them and playing with them and blowing raspberries on their tummies.  Tonight Meetalesh and I had tickle fight for the books.  Oh, Meetalesh!  Oh shoot, I can’t think about having to say bye to him.  I can’t.  The only solution is bringing them back with me.  Any ideas besides stealing an airplane?  I thought through that already, and it would just get too terrorist, too fast. 

I had a mini dance party in the boys dorm tonight.  Magesh is the best awkward dancer I’ve ever seen.  I was completely awestruck.  I really have to record some of the dancing these kids do.  There are few things I think I enjoy more than that.  I am starting to realize that love can come in the form of fun.  In fact, love and fun, my two favorite things, are much more partners than they are enemies. 

Take home:  I will remember that I am part of the equation in me doing the Lord’s work – He made me special, and He loves who I am, and the person I am can do the things He needs done.  I will remember that having fun is a very crucial part of feeling loved (I should’ve taken that home from EFY).  I will keep having dance parties because dancing your heart out is a way to connect with anyone.  I will remember that love takes time, but with time, you can and will love anyone you truly desire to.

Dreams and Green Beans - Days 13, 14, and 15

August 12-14

I went into the city on Saturday.  Forgot to include that.  My camera charger has stopped working so I couldn’t take pictures, sorry.  That’s why there haven’t been pictures.  Trust me, I am sad about it too.  We bought a charger that day, but it isn’t working.  Anyway, it was neat to see the place.  It was suuuper crowded and dirty and everything else, but I loved being there.  Bought some good souvenirs, ate some good food, saw some funny Indian people.  Good day is you ask me.

Sundays are so pleasant.  Today I just went to the different girls’ dorms and I handed out nail polish and they painted each others’ nails and put make-up on me and sat in my lap, you know the works.  I was tired in one room, and laid down on Suganti’s (15?) lap.  She is so kind to everyone all the time.  She is a little more quiet at first, but then really opens up when you are laying (lying? I am so bad at remembering which to use) on her lap.  She told me about her dream to become a nurse because she wants to help people.  She would be such a good nurse.  She is so genuinely loving and so patient with all the little ones who don’t stop tugging on you.  Quiet, humble server.  There are so many of those here.

 Saravanan (17) is just starting his 12^th grade year.  He rides his bike, like Mani, to and from school and stays at Pathway because he doesn’t have somewhere else to go.  He has a story that is totally straight out of a movie.  But he kind of seems straight out of a movie too because he is so awesome.  He is a little on the quiet side, and took me a little longer to get to know.  But he is SUCH a gem.  I gave a talk in church on Sunday (as well as the lesson in Young Women’s) about how to fight evil and I used the example of Moroni fighting Amalickiah – the best of the best vs. the worst of the worst.  He sat in the front row and listened so intently.  You know when you are giving a talk, and you feel like not many people are listening, so you find one person who looks like they are listening to look at so you don’t feel like an idiot?  I picked Saravena.  He is so eager to hear the Gospel and learn more.  He asks me questions and will magically find me whenever I am teaching someone out of the scriptures and he will just sit and listen in.  On Sunday, I got to talk to him more.  He was sitting playing with all these little girls who were all hanging on him.  With a surprising amount of patience, he tenderly spun the girls around and twirled them (all girls love to be twirled – that is a universal truth) and picked them up.  He was so quiet and gentle about it, not a bit loud or obtrusive (a couple weaknesses of mine).  It was so evident that he was not doing anything to be seen, but simply to love and give attention to these little girls who so clearly adored him.  It’s the kind of service that is genuine and just seems like the most natural thing for that person to be doing.  I was so impressed by that.  It just goes to show how truly good he is.  I want to serve more like he does.  I am excited to see what else I will learn from him.  He wants to come to BYU, but he has many things standing in the way for him.  I am going to make him a deal that pretty much says, you do everything you possibly can, and I will do everything I possibly can, and we will see where we get.  More than going to BYU, he wants to serve a mission.  He doesn’t have a way to pay for that either.  His desires are so real, but he just doesn’t see a way to fulfill them.  I promised him that there would be a way.  There always is if there are genuine righteous desires, right? 

Mary’s dream is to build her own play school.  While we were in the streets of Chennai, for any child who came up to us begging (I was a serious target) she would ask them if they wanted to go to school.  They all said no, that they just wanted money.  Then she would send them away.  She has picked kids off the street like this before – given them a place to stay and food and an opportunity for a better life.  I think it’s incredible that these kids who would have been begging on the streets for the rest of their lives are now dreaming about going to BYU (a lot of the kids here) or starting a catering company (Saran) or becoming a scuba diving instructor (Viki) or becoming a singer (Vidhea) or becoming a heart surgeon (Mani) or becoming an artist (Radu).  I mean, granted, it will be very difficult for them to get there, but they can.  And more importantly, they are dreaming of getting there and working toward it.  All these people have dreams.  I want so badly to help them achieve those dreams.  I think that will be something I will ache to do even more badly when I get home. 

At the moment, I have exactly 32 mosquito bites below my knees.  Those mosquitos went nuts on my shins, ankles, and toes a couple nights ago.  I am red, puffy, and itchy.  And I forgot a razor, so you can add hairy to the list.  And sweaty.  Always sweaty.

Today in dance while I was teaching while I had eighth standard (they call grades standards here) I had such a cool experience.  I kicked the boys out and talked to the girls about why I love dance.  I talked about how freeing it is, about how it allows you to feel like and be who you want.  It gets emotion out without affecting others and it makes you at least a little more grateful for the body you have.  So I wanted them to know that you can dance without a teacher, that the whole idea behind me teaching them is so they can do it on their own and enjoy dancing for themselves.  To teach this concept, I wanted to do an experiment.  Since it seems that you have to get over the insecurity that comes with showing yourself to others before you truly can, I wanted them to dance without the worry of anyone seeing.  I taught them a small dance to JB’s “Somebody to Love,” but it only is for the chorus.  The rest of the song I told them to close their eyes and just dance.  I said, I will have my eyes open, but only to make sure the rest of everyone has their eyes closed.  Then on the chorus I will tell everyone to open their eyes and we will dance together.  At first, they seemed a little nervous and weren’t really dancing and kept opening their eyes to look around at each other.  I told each open eye to close, and soon enough, they were just dancing the way dancing is supposed to happen.  They were grinning and being silly and whipping out moves that were totally crazy, even on my standards.  I couldn’t have been more proud.  Sumi was getting pretty thug (never saw it coming), and Gori was pointing and posing like she was a celebrity, and Dani was doing a twist that would have made anyone’s grandmother proud.  I was saying things like “Get it girl!”  And “That’s what I’m talking about!” which of course made sense to none of them.  The boys had just as great of a time.  I really have grown to love teaching, and for many different subjects.  But I hereby swear never to teach grades 6 or 7.  I haven’t grown to love teaching THAT much.

I am helping some of the boys with their duty to God.  Praveen and Saran (both 16ish) are so adorably anxious to get going on this.  They want to use their limited free time to do it, and are willing to meet with me every day whenever I can.  There is no one to impress by getting this done, and no one to be disappointed if they don’t.  It is clear that they want to do this because they are anxious to learn and grow in the gospel.  Tomorrow is Independence Day which means all kinds of celebrating and no classes, so I assumed they would want to take the day off.  They basically begged me to still meet, saying it was even better because there was more free time than usual.  How darling is that?  A lot of the kids who come to seminary asked we were still doing seminary on the holiday too.  I said probably not, but they all wanted to.  Viki (16?) said, “The day is so much happier if seminary is in it.”  He is such a treasure, always having fun and allowing others to with him.  It is so neat to see so much understanding of gospel principles presenting themselves in such simple ways - Like the understanding that the gospel makes you happy.  Praveen found me last night while I was going around kissing the boys foreheads to ask me a question about something he had read.  Just the humility to learn and the desire to understand show so much understanding. 

I was finally allowed to help chop vegetables.  I try almost every day.  The night before Independence Day, they needed some help.  I got to chop green beans and carrots.  I sat on the ground while the children who weren’t practicing for the program handed me things to cut.  Things were getting a little heated with the pressure of the next day, so most people were quiet, listening to the few people who were talking, because they were talking loudly.  And angrily.  Language really is a barrier here, but it doesn’t bother me very often.  It only does when it stops me from being someone’s friend, or when I am the only one who has no idea why people are yelling at each other. 

Take home:  I will remember why I love dancing so much and try to pass that on to others.  I will appreciate and love my parents more and be so much more grateful for my family.  I will remember to listen to peoples’ stories because that is what makes them human and therefore lovable.  I will remember that I would rather spend my money of people as opposed to things.  I will remember that serving quietly is the best and most angel-like way to serve.  

Sweet dream kisses/Davi goes Moroni all up on the demon spider/best take home lesson of the trip - Days 10 and 11

August 10-11

Food: The malaria pills I take in the morning don’t do great things for my appetite, and I am dehydrated like all of the time – there is absolutely no way to drink enough to replenish the amount I sweat – and the food is not a kind I am used to.  So not the best recipe for eating well.  On the bright side, either they have started making the food for me progressively less and less spicy (which is actually totally a possibility) or I am getting used to it.  My lips still burn sometimes though.  They give me this milk and sugar stuff sometimes that I am in love with.  It is like a steamer from starbucks.  I get to drink straight out of coconuts, and eat new fruit with names I can’t remember.  Mostly, I eat chapatti (similar to a wheat tortilla – just better) with this vegetable mixture that is pretty spicy.  Sometimes there is potato in the vegetable mixture.  And for lunch I often get rice to mix with it.  Oh man, lunch today was to die for.  Pria made a request to the cook that he cook me her favorite foods.  So I got this super good spicy scrambled egg stuff, along with an especially tasty potato/vegetable mixture and the always divine chapatti.  First time I was able to finish the very large portions they give me.

I take back what I said about the whole not having a problem with the critters.  Because I just encountered the largest spider I have ever seen in real life.  I came into the bathroom, nice and ready for a shower.  And there is was.  Its diameter was that of a decent sized peach, and it was dark brown in color.  I was terrified.  I had to take a lot of steps back and take courage before proceeding.  I have been in the war chapters of the Book of Mormon, so I asked myself what Moroni would do.  He would take up arms in defense of his liberty.  So that’s what I did.  I found shoes to wear, and armed myself with my seminary manual, a flashlight, and insect repellant.  I turned the shower on and it ran to hide by the toilet.  I sprayed water in its direction and shone my flashlight at it, and nothing happened.  I dumped a bucket on the toilet and it went running into the corner.  At this point, I said a prayer for it not to feel too much pain or be too scared of its oncoming death, and for me to not be too scared to seeing to its oncoming death.  I dumped water behind the bucket and eventually saw it come out, after having huge amounts of water poured on it.  I heard myself saying some things like, “Mutant spider!  You can’t still be living!”  And “I said a prayer for you!  Show some compassion by dying!” And “Get thee hence, you fiend!”  It came out again, but this time in a little ball, its legs all up under itself.  This led me to believe it had heeded my council.  However, I poured a few more jugs of water on it, just in case.  On the third pour, it took up his life and crawled on.  He was playing dead!  My desire for its well-being was gone after that treachery.  I flooded him out of his hideout and sprayed repellant on him as soon as he was in sight.  Though it did not kill the spider, I could tell it was disoriented.  At this point it became a pokebattle in my head, and I heard the music come on, and Ash yell, “Davi used stun!”  “Spider uses Fear!”  Both were critical hits.  While it was stunned, I dumped more water on it, til it seemed like it really wasn’t going to run away anymore.  I proceeded to use most of my can of bugspray on it, and then it didn’t move for a long time.  I left the spider out of my sight for a short moment while I looked for something kind of heavy I could throw on a wet floor.  I got my very full conditioner bottle and threw it on the spider four times.  To be sure, I dumped a whole container of bubbles on it.  To my best belief, the spider is no more.  But, I put a cup on top of its corpse and a pile of books on top of that as to be wary of its super spider strength and resurrection abilities. This whole battle lasted about an hour.  And let it stand as a reminder to all spider witnesses that Davi is a mighty force to be reckoned with.

To be added to the top of my attractive qualities list:  I am a squatty potty master. 

I love going to the boys dorm at night.  The girls seem to act as mothers to one another pretty well at night.  The boys do also – Naveen put Akash in his bed to sleep with him because sometimes he gets scared at night - but there is still such a sweet hunger for female love there.  Tonight when I went, one of the four dorms I went into, all about twenty of the boys were gathered close at my feet to hear a bedtime story and a lullaby.  I wish there was a better way to describe the way they look at you besides hungry.  They just are so desperate for love and so ready to receive it.  I find it so incredible and endearing that they have not hardened themselves to love.  They have not pushed me away at all, and there are no tinges of bitterness.  They just want the personal kind of adoration they are lacking.  They made a request to hear a story about Rapunzel and I made up a really lame one for them.  Then I sang “Walk Tall” because that’s the song my mom always would sing to me (I changed “daughter” to “child” out of respect for the boys).  I proceeded to give them each a “sweet dream kiss” which I explained to them is a kiss on the forehead that acts as a shield from bad dreams.  I had to put every effort into keeping myself from crying.  I have a mom to sing me lullabies and kiss my forehead.  And they have a strange twenty-year-old American girl who will be leaving in two weeks.  And even that they are grateful for.  Times like that I have to remind myself that God is their dad and no one is really an orphan.  It is a blessing that they are being raised in a place where that is accepted and taught for those willing to hear.  But it still tears your heart to shreds.

Monisha  (18) really helped me when I was having some difficult times.  She told me that she has been helped by many people from them talking to her a lot, and then told me that she was helped that without talking about things.  I got a note from her that made me cry and say some very fervent thank you prayers.  She said that she had felt as though Heavenly Father was talking to her through me and that she felt his love for her in a very personal way while we talked.  This was a huge tender mercy for me in a time when I really needed one. 

Take home: Here is the biggest take home I think of the entire trip: I will remember the way I am guided and led and comforted by the Spirit here, and allow that to continue.  Of all lessons I will yet learn, I can’t imagine one having a larger impact on my life than this one.  And Heavenly Father has helped me learn this well in my week and a half here.  

Hannah Montana is serving a mission? Days 7, 8, 9, and 10.

August 6-9

I managed to lock myself in my little apartment.  Impressed?  You should be.  Everyone else sure was.  That is if hysterical laughing is synonymous with thinking someone intelligent. 

I am teaching the kids “What Makes You Beautiful” and “Firework” for English Club.  I figure if I spend the time teaching them American songs, they might as well be semi-inspiring.  The girls love One Direction; This was the first they’ve heard of them, and I gave no biased opinions.  This leads me to believe that it is an innate trait for girls to love boy bands.

Critters: I killed my first cockroach the other night.  I was totally fearless about it, too.  No kidding, I am a new woman.  I have seen lots of monkeys.  They are so cute!  But they bite, and they eat the fruit, so they are disliked around here.  I imagine they are the equivalent of bunnies to us – cute, but bothersome.  There are two frogs that hang out in my bathroom.  They are small and terrified of me.  I asked one of the older kids if they are poisonous, and they said no, but not to touch them anyway because they will pee on you which apparently will make you itch.  Lizards decorate the walls.  I think they are darling.  And they eat bugs, so what’s not to like?  They make pretty loud noises that sound like exotic birds.  You learn something new every bright and early morning!  Spiders are everywhere, but they are more scared of me than I am of them, thank heavens.  That’s not just a lie your mother tells you to get you to sleep.  There are also these strange little red bugs that have a black diamond on their backs.  They aren’t scary or poisonous, but they love to congregate just outside my abode.  I have seen two snakes and one scorpion – kind of freaky, I’ll give it to you.  But they were killed very quickly by people much braver than I before they got too near to me.  Thus far, the scariest thing I have had to go head to head with has been the washing machine. 

Monkeys!  On the playground!  (It would make me so happy if you read that in a Zazu voice similar to "Hiyenas!  In the prideland!")

Pria (17) is my angel.  I think I spoke of her before.  She is graduated and is waiting to hear back from a secondary school to continue her studies, so she is working in the Pathway til then.  She is the greatest gift to me.  She loves me in a very real way.  She has gotten to know me, and loves me for all the silly things I do.  She of all people has seen all the silly things I do.  Poor girl.  She was making me drink milk the other night, and she called me her baby, to which I called her “Ammah,” and it is just so fitting.  She takes care of me like a mom – making me eat, explaining things when I am confused, laughing at all the silly things I do (that last one is why she’s like my mom J).  She is always finding the humor in life – such a fun personality to be around.  I love this girl.  She is always reminding me that we are sisters.  She gave me beautiful earrings yesterday, and I gave her my favorite bracelet from home.  She began telling me her story, and it is not a happy one. She literally has no one.  No parents, no relatives to go to – only a brother at the orphanage.  How blessed so many of us are to have family and how often I take that for granted.  

Pria!  Not the best picture of her, but even so, she looks so pretty.

Esther (15) is such an inspiration to me.  She told me her story on the way to church on Sunday, and I had to try so hard to not to cry.  They all have these stories that are rip-your-heart-out sad.  But she is such an angel.  In seminary, she listens so intently and will shyly tell me what she thinks about scriptures and life.  The light of Christ explodes out of her.  She is so good and righteous and stalwart and like, majestically beautiful.  Her faith is incredible.  I did cry when I told her how much I love her and how much her Heavenly Father loves her and how proud He is.  He loves her a lot.  He loves all these children a lot. I love those special moments when He lets me feel some of it specifically for one.  Ok, seriously, Sarania (3?).  The sweetest little girl the world has ever seen.  The little ones don’t speak any English, but we just have a special connection.  When I see her, I say her name and pick her up and she just grins the sweetest grin in the world and we look at each other and smile for a while.  Akash (2) is the cutest thing ever.  When he sees me, he says, “Sis!” and runs to me and wraps his arms around my legs.  If he is in line and not supposed to leave, he just makes kissy noises at me because that’s one thing I do to the kids when I shouldn’t be actually kissing them.   He loves to be thrown in the air and kissed on his face over and over.  Meetalesh (3) is the kind of cute that makes you forget everything else around you in order to stare at and smile at just him.  Even now, I am just dying to be next to him wherever he is.  He is the most independently cheerful little guy.  He reminds me of my brother Dalton in a lot of ways:  How crazy darling he is, how easily he smiles, how he is just content to do whatever, how he wouldn’t hurt a fly, how he is kind of in his own little world a lot (no offense, bud).  So I can’t imagine it would surprise anyone that the one who reminds me of one of my favorite people ever is one of my favorites here.  This morning on the playground I picked him up and held him.  We spun around a bit and played and he just laughed his sweet little head off.  Then he just put his head on my shoulder and his arms around my neck and kissed me cheek – yet another very large tender mercy moment.  He didn’t move for an entire twenty minutes, although there were a lot of distractions around him and lots of opportunities to have more fun than just being held.  The kids do not resist any kind of love here; they take what they can get.  Kids are kids, but it interesting to see the difference between kids who have doting mothers and kids who don’t.  Kids who are without crave that love, consciously or not.  They appreciate being held or being sung to or kissed.  Even the older kids yearn to be taken care of in any way a mother would.  Rather, the older kids have become mothers at very young ages and the younger kids have learned how to take care of themselves for the most part.  It is heartbreaking and inspiring all at the same time.    

Esther is the one looking at the camera.  How cute is she?  And Manju is turned toward her.  Manju is another  girl who is very near to my heart.

Akash is on the left, Suria is on the right.  They are best friends.  And the cutest bff's the world has ever seen if you ask me.

I went into town today to get myself a sari and a churidar.  The men always stare at my white skin, but the women usually don’t seem fazed by me.  That was not the case today.  I think all the youngish female employees in one specific fabric store thought I was Hannah Montana.  They called me that a few times actually.  They could not stop smiling and were very easily sent into giggle fits.  They were trying out their English on me, and were completely overjoyed when I practiced my Tamil on them.  When one of them shook my hand, she would turn to the rest of the little gaggle the way a teenage girl would if Justin Bieber touched her hand.  It wouldn’t surprise me if she swore never to wash that hand again.  They all say you need to go to America to make something of yourself, but dude, all I had to do was go to India to realize my potential for fame.
How do you describe the taste of a peach?  Or a raspberry?   And there’s seriously no way to describe a marshmallow.  Here’s that conversation:

“What’s it made of?” 

“Sugar.” 

“And?” 

“And….. white?” 

“White what?”

“No one knows.”

I feel like three or four days are smashed into one day here.  I get back to my quarters and think about the day and can’t even think back to the morning it seems so long ago.  I honestly feel like this is mission-like for me.  I would love to serve full-time, but if I end up not, I believe this has taught me many things a mission would have taught me.  But this is only a month, vs. the eighteen months I should be giving to this type of thing.  It almost feels like I am learning all these lessons that should take me eighteen months in the space of one.  The days are long and the lessons learned are many, but I couldn’t be more grateful for that to be the case. 

Other reasons this is like a full-time mission, specifically a foreign and sister one: Everyone calls me sister.  I go to sleep at 10:30 and wake up at 6:30.  I study for almost two hours every morning.  I eat food that is unfamiliar to me, and they like you to eat a lot.  I can’t understand most of what is being said to me.  I wear really long skirts every day and I choose shoes for comfort, not style.  I never shave.  I don’t have a phone.  The only time I have to myself is used in studying, recording experiences, and sometimes emailing.  I have been extremely humbled and am starting to realize in a very large way how I should be led by the Spirit.  I am learning so much about the gospel, and in turn, myself.  

Take home:  The work is not yours, just do your part.  I will remember to not worry about a lack of opportunites to do good – God will always bless those searching to serve.  I will keep in mind that road rage in America is stupid because at least you aren’t driving in India.  

Tamil lessons and tender mercies. Days 4, 5, and 6.

August 3-5, 2012

I must record my lunch experience from Saturday.  What a roller coaster.  A group of aspiring speech pathologists were visiting to hear from the director, Dr. Prasad, so there was a fancy lunch prepared for them.  The directors treat me special, which is totally weird to me.  They had me come eat with them.  This was one of the few times I was uncomfortable.  I felt so out of place being served a fancy lunch while the people I usually ate with were serving it.  I started eating, and realized I had no idea how I was supposed to eat any of it.  There was yogurt, and a pile of four different sauces, and rice, this vegetable mixture, and chapatti on this banana leaf.  I looked around, started mixing with my hands, and began eating.  I know I was committing faux-pa after faux-pa.  I am practiced at eating with my hands, but not eating yogurt with my hands.  At one point, someone the director called my name, and as I looked up, vegetable feel out of mouth and onto my chapatti, where I’m sure chewed up vegetable does not belong.  I just started laughing.  What else is there to do?  I wished someone had been there to see all of it so I had someone to laugh with.  To make me feel better, they asked me if I wanted more rice.  I accidentally headbobbled instead of saying no.  I got a lot more rice.  So, very full, I folded up my leaf and began cleaning the tables until it was clear that I was doing more harm than good.  I left, knowing I had just had one of those special experiences you need to remember for future generations.

Did you know that it is so hot here this summer that King Cobras are starting to die off?  Just thought you’d be interested to know that. 

I have already learned so much from Mary.  I learning some tamil words from her (“tangachi” means little sister, “tambi” means little brother, “akkah” means big sister, “annah” means big brother, “ammah” means mom, “appah” means dad, “nandri” means thank you, and “nanunanassikiran” means I love you, “mutem” means kiss, “muku” means nose, “vanga” means come) you know, the basics.  But I am learning most by the way she gives her life for others.  She works so hard, and she received absolutely nothing for it.  She is constantly doing things for others.  Like, I think the only thing she does for herself in a day is shower.  She goes to bed at 10pm, wakes up at 4:50 am, and every single one of those seconds is spent working for the kids.  She keeps them in line, but will grab a baby out of the line to nuzzle their arm.  I love this woman so so much.

Here is the kid description paragraph.  Longest part, but it is my favorite part.  Friday night I went to the boy’s dorm.  I hadn’t spent as much time with the boys as with the girls up to that point.  But now all I want to do is hang out with the boys.  The kids all think I am pro at sign language now, so they were asking how to say cute girl.  I taught them, and they kept pointing at me and doing it, trying to be sneaky.  I so have a crush on all of them.  They told me they knew something, and it was how to say “I love you” in sign language.  I say that to them all the time in that way.  Magesh (7? - pictured) is so darling.  He holds up his hands and makes them into a heart and looks through it at me.  He stands directly in front of me wherever I am and ignores all the ruckus around him to very endearingly hang on my every word.  Today when I went to the boy’s dorm, I was kind of overwhelmed by everyone tugging on me, and I looked over at him sitting quietly by my side.  He said very quietly, “I love you so much.”  Tender mercy to the extreme.  I had to fight back tears with everything I had.  Tears make everyone uncomfortable here.  We know that’s no good for me.  Karthi (13?) is wonderful.  He is so hungry to learn when he comes to dance, and always is listening so intently when I talk.  He will stand in the back of the group that is surrounding me and silently listen to me sing or peek over everyone’s heads to look at me.  He wrote me the sweetest note on Saturday.  Mikalesh (4? - pictured) is sooooooo cute.  Seriously, heartmeltingly cute.  Honest (8? - pictured) is so good.  He is a little bit shy, and mostly plays with his little sister who is also pretty shy.  They are so darling, and just so good!  I mean, how sweet is it that they play together all the time?  When a girl was doing my hair, he grabbed his sister, and sat on the edge of the bench.  I took his hand and his sister’s hand and they didn’t move from that spot the whole time.  He just stroked my hand.  Jaren (6? - pictured) could be the darn tootenest cutest thing ever.  His eyes  are huge, as are his cheeks.  He looks at me with this coy smile til I say his name and smile back.  Ragi (12?) is so funny.  He is such a jokester, but the best kind of jokester.  He is smiling NON-STOP.  It’s impressive how much he smiles.  And his smile takes up his whole face.  He gave me a bracelet last night.  Shiva (8? - pictured) is so darling.  He is just, so cute!  He grabs my hand when I walk and looks at me with these puppy dog eyes that are just so hungry for love.  He is so happy and warm.  He stays in the back until I see him and tell him to come sit by me.  Goku (8? - pictured) is so sweet.  He is totally silent, but shyly smiles every time I get really excited to see him.  Naveen (13? - pictured) has these dimples that make you want to squeeze him.  He is so genuine.  Just the sweetest, most un-assuming boy ever.  I am becoming good friends with him.  Oh how I love these boys!  I am struggling to find a way to show the boys my love for them adequately.  There are some lines in the Indian culture that I know I am totally already crossing with them, but they are so hungry for love!  I wish I would have brought some special things for me to give boys.  I give my earrings to the girls every day, but I brought nothing the boys would be interested in.  But I will show in every other way I can think of. 

Honest is in the front, and Jaren is smiling in the back

Naveen is on the left with the giant smile.  And the boy sitting is Ramen. 

These are the smaller boys.  Please notice Mikalesh doing karate in the corner.  Oh goodness he is cute.

Goku has his head turned on the far left, and Magesh is the one who barely got his sweet face into the picture on the bottem left.  Shiva is second to the right.

Seminary.  I am so out-of-my-mind excited that I get to teach seminary.  These kids are so wonderful.  There are a fair amount of kids who are so attentive and hang on my every word, which is so nice for any teacher to have.  They are shy to share, but I think that will get better.  The comments that have been shared have been so wonderful.  When we were talking about faith, I asked what it meant to them.  Usually, one person will pretty much quote Alma 32:21, and that’s the end of it.  But there were like four very different and really fantastic thoughts.  I have discovered a new love within the last six weeks, and it is teaching.  After the class, we all just hang out until an adult who isn’t a hooligan tells everyone to go study.  I think this time, seminary and hanging out after, will be some of my favorite time. 

There are members here who are so incredible.  A boy of 16 named Mani (pictured below) has impressed me so much.  He was asking me so many questions about temples and missions and patriarchal blessings.  He wants a patriarchal blessing, but doesn’t know much about them or how to get one.  I don’t know how he would either.  There has to be a way, right?  I will look into it.  And he told me about how he is praying to be brave enough to share the gospel with his friends, even though he could get in trouble for it at school (he goes to a different, older school, and rides his bicycle back to Pathway to eat and sleep).  And that he has been able to share with friends.  It is so neat to see so much desire in a young man.  He is hungry for more.  What a great reminder to be more grateful for all the things, even in the gospel, I have taken for granted or felt entitled to.  I never have thought about people who really don’t know how to find a patriarch.  He spent a while being helped with his tithing while other kids were catching up with friends they hadn’t seen for a while.  I just think his faith is so beautiful.

These two beauties are Mani and Monisha listening to EFY music on my Ipod on the way to Chennai for church.

What an enormous blessing church was to me.  Because it was fast Sunday, we went to the church in Chennai and attended the service there.  It was such a relief to be able to go to Church there and partake of the Sacrament.  I felt all anxiety leave while I was in that building, and not just because it had the first air-conditioning I felt in a week.  A week?  Oh, it feels much longer than that.  Anyway, the church is the church everywhere.  We sang “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” and “I Stand All Amazed.”  My Savior truly silences all fears and wipes away my tears.  And I believe the main confusion we have in this life is that Christ would really give us His life, not just in dying for us, but in living every moment for us.  It is incredible, and it’s understandable and good that we be amazed by it.  But the problem lies in being so amazed that we deem it unbelievable.  It is true, I promise it is.  This experience has shown it to me in new ways, and I know it now even more than before.

Take home: I will not take the sacrament for granted.   I will seek Christ in my actions.  I will obtain my errand from the Lord every day.  I will remember to just work for the boss, and not try to be the boss.  I will remember the importance of drinking tons of water, and be more grateful when the water is cold.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Nanunanassikiran. 

Davi

I know this is a blog, not my email. I will do better next time. Day 3.

This first post is extremely long.  It was my first real email home, sparing the commentary on boring family affairs.  So no pictures yet, but it gives a good feel for how I was feeling, and there is something to be said for that.

August 2, 2012

Dear family,

I have just started to discover my place here.  And my place is simple: I love the people.  When I focus on myself in any way, I do not enjoy my stay.  My first couple days I was too focused on how I could make myself comfortable and on my needs.  But when I am focused on the children, I am so happy.  There are some extraordinary children here.  I truly love them.  They are so so beautiful.  I have made many good friends.  There is this baby named Akash who is to die for.  He has the cutest smile and will reach for me anytime he sees me.  There is another baby named Sarania who has to be the most precious thing on the whole planet.  She grins whenever you say her name, and puts her arms around my neck and snuggles when I hold her.  Cowsie is older, about 12, and she is a dear companion.  She is absolutely stunning, and she takes care of me.  She translates for the kids who haven’t really learned English, and checks things for lice before they are put in my hair.  Deepa is about 14, and she is heavensent.  I trust her to not lead me astray.  When I ask her the rules, I know she will tell me.  She has the sweetest most genuine countenance.  Pria is about 16, and she works at the orphanage while she is waiting to get accepted to a higher level school.  She is so beautiful.  And she always knows where I should be so she points me in directions when I look confused.  Mary the Warden, is an absolute dream.  She is so good at what she does, and so darn funny.  She takes such good care of me.  Always making sure I have food and that I like the food and that I am comfortable and happy and everything.  She is my India mom.  I was sleepy yesterday and laid down on the ground in her little area and she stroked my arm til I fell asleep.  I love that all the women here touch.  I wish it was more that way in the states.  When you walk with a lady, you hold hands or have your arms around each other.  Mary and I always do.  I do with Mariama as well.  She laughs every time I say her name, which leads me to believe I am saying it wrong, but I ask, and she says it is right.  I’m hoping she is just giggly.  She is another faculty, who seems to have been put in charge of me to make sure I don’t make too many mistakes.  Poor woman.  But she is so warm and lovely and kind.  There is a boy about 13 named Carte who is so sweet.  Totally handsome but so pure and good.  There is a boy named Mutu who is about 10 who is so cute and sweet you just want to melt every time you see him.  Jaya is about 8 and she has an African look to her.  She always wants to carry my backpack.  Oh there is a special place in my heart for her.  And for Zen.  She looks like Jaya, both beautiful, and acts like her too.  They both have this sweet adoration that makes it impossible not to kiss them every time you look at them.  I could talk about the kids all day.

I have started teaching dance.  I sweat so much as it is, but then teaching dance on top of it.  Ew.  There are flies swarming me for my awful scent.  Even the Carters would be proud of these pit stains.  The kids are so sweet though.  Even right now, I told them I would go email my family, and they said, “Here!  Stay here!”  So I am surrounded by little girls.  And I am sweating.  None of the Indians sweat.  I’m not sure how that works.  Anyway, when they see you sweat, they blow on your face, or fan you with something, or wipe it off with their hands.  They are so aware of the needs of others.  So I have absolutely no need to focus on my needs, because I am surrounded by people who are focused on my needs.  They were doing my hair yesterday (don’t worry, Mom - it was with my comb) and I didn’t have a hair clip for the flowers they wanted to put in.  So one girl says a few Tamil syllables, and all the girls band together, and there is a hair clip passed up from the crowd.  Cowsie checks it for lice before putting it in my hair.  Something about having my hair brushed was so comforting.  Another very comforting thing when I was getting used to this: clouds.  Clouds are clouds everywhere.  Isn’t that wonderful?  No matter where I go, there will be a sky.  It’s like the gospel.  There were very few things that were familiar.  There for the first couple days, it was the gospel that was familiar.  Scriptures and prayer were familiar.  I have never felt the need to cling to those things even harder for familiarity’s sake before now.  And I am so grateful that the main thing in my life will always be there and will always be familiar to me if I stick to it. 

Oh right, teaching.  I will also teach seminary and English club, and I am so excited about those.  But they want me to focus on the dance.  They want me to come up with a musical to present.  We need to come up with something they can show others that will encourage help.  This is such a good organization.  The children are well taken care of, and have a good understanding of life.  But they would love more sponsors, and would even love more young people to come the way Rachel or I did.  One woman who is one of the members of the board of trustees, Sudha, would like me to come up with a musical type performance where the kids can showcase for people when they visit, and we can record it and show it to people.  She would like it to motivate help in whatever way it makes most sense to people.  She was thinking when you wish upon a star could be a song in it.  I don't think they are looking for a certain length.  But maybe around like three songs?  I need help.

The tender mercies are too many to count.  They do this thing to show affection called mutem where they grab your cheek with all five fingers, then with all five fingers closed together they kiss their fingers.  That didn’t make much sense, but it is the cutest thing.  They show so much love here.  They are always hanging on me and holding my hands everywhere I go.  I ended up with quite the bouquet this morning.  The younger girls put flowers in my hair, and the older girls have to come take it out because it attracts lice.  There are times that you will be sitting with some kids, and one kid will hold your face for a while.  It just makes you want to cry.  I taught some girls beautiful in sign language because I wanted to do it to them, and they immediately turned it on me before I even had the chance to do it to them first.  These girls are the older girls, like fifteen, and they feel like my peers.  I love it.  I taught them dance today, and it was so fun.  They were cracking me up.  All they wanted to learn was how to “shake it” and how to move their hips.  Then we got chatting, which was totally necessary because I had been dancing the whole day (dancing in India is like Bikram zumba).  They were talking about their boyfriends (so darling) and they asked about mine.  I said that I didn’t have one, and they all looked at me in shock.  At first I felt like a loser, but then Vigi (I love Vigi – she looks and acts like cousin Elise) said “But you are so beautiful!”  And they all bobbled their heads in agreement.  They are just so good at showing love and so willing to show it.  Love and compliments are not in short supply.

I am starting a “take home” list.  That is, things I will do differently because of my time here.  EFY did something to my brain.  Just a few: I will make each person know that they are loved and worthwhile.  I will remember the unimportance of things, but the importance of giving things.  I will remember and use names - names matter.  The way I study my scriptures here I will take home with me.  It is like I depend on them wholly and I have this hunger for them that I have never experienced like this.  

Three more weeks will not be enough.